When I was a kid, I had a Holly Hobby autograph book, and I made every person in my family write something in it. (Apparently, this was just a phenomenon in the 70s, because when I mentioned my autograph book to our clients, they looked at me like I was crazy- Good thing I didn’t mention the Holly Hobby part- that really would have dated me). My grandmother signed her entry, “I wish you all the happiness in the world, but just enough sadness to know the difference.” As a ten-year-old this made no sense to me. In fact, I thought it was somewhat uncharacteristically harsh for my loving grandma to wish me sadness. As usual, my wise grandmother knew more than I realized. Based on Fredrickson’s research (2009) on positive and negative emotions, my grandmother was actually wishing me a life of psychological wellness. Frederickson and her colleagues found that individuals who have a specific balance of positive to negative emotions flourish more than individuals who have only positive emotions and individuals who have only negative emotions. It appears that individuals who do not experience the full spectrum of the emotional rainbow live somewhat of a restricted existence. Individuals with eating disorders often avoid negative emotion by numbing with starvation or soothing with bingeing. We are realizing now that not only do these behaviors not really work, but that also by trying not to experience negative emotion, we are robbing ourselves of a whole-hearted existence. So, Gram had it right- for us to experience the fullness of life, we need access to the entire palate of emotions, the bright, vibrant colors of positive feelings, and the darker, bold shades of negative feelings. Only then do we truly experience the authenticity of whole-hearted living.
Notes from Nicole: Got Sadness?
