Creekside Communications Blog - testimonials

          The following is a Fairy Tale written by one of Magnolia Creek's clients during a writing group.  She said we could share it with everyone on our blog.  Enjoy!

          Once upon a time, in a small college town, there lived a fair-haired young maiden named Little Blue-Eyed Riding Hood.  Blue was planning to take a basket of her own treasures to the Cottage of Perfection, where she heard lived a powerful being named Acceptance.  Blue thought that if she offered all of her own treasures at Perfection, she would achieve the life that she wanted; she’d have power and control.  Early one morning she set out on the narrow, rocky path through the darkest part of the forest, alone on her treacherous quest for Perfection, telling no one where she was going.

          Blue set off at a quick pace, but soon she was forced to watch her steps.  Jumping over ruts and puddles, she tried to snap branches that bent sharply over the pathway.  Soon, the thin rays of daylight that shone through the forest trees began to fade.  Evening was quickly approaching, but Blue felt that she was no closer to reaching Perfection Cottage than when she left.  Strangely, though, she felt much farther than she had before.

Maybe she was lost – a frightening realization she quickly suppressed.  She surveyed her belongings with a growing sense of shame: her dress was caked with mud at the hem, and her sleeves were torn and spotted with blood – evidence of the thorns, branches, and pits that she had tried all day to dodge.  Suddenly Blue had a sense of terrible fatigue, but she firmly pushed it out of her mind: she must get to Perfection Cottage.  Everything would be made well again there when she met Acceptance.

          Blue pushed and climbed through the darkness.  Nighttime in a dark forest required all of her energy.  She had to start eliminating things from her basket of treasures: first went health, next happiness.  Finally, Blue became so tired and desperate to reach Perfection Cottage that even her favorite treasure, love, was too heavy to carry.  This scared her – love had never been a burden before.  Just as she really started to panic and consider abandoning her quest, a figure appeared up ahead.

          “Who’s there?” Blue asked.

          “Acceptance!” said the cloaked figure with a grin.

          Blue didn’t quite understand, but was already so tired and had no energy to question him.  So as a test she simply said “Wow.  Acceptance, what big teeth you have!”

          “The better to sharpen your image with, my dear,” came the reply.

          “Hmm…well, what big eyes you have!” Blue said, still not trusting him.

          “The better to examine you, head to toe, with.  You do have to be perfect to be accepted, you know,” came the reply.

          Blue was very unsure now, but afraid that this cloaked figure could be right.  One more test:  “Wow, Acceptance, what big hands you have!”

          “The better to cover your weaknesses with, Blue.  You certainly need big hands to hide all of those.”

          By now, Blue doubted that this tall, cruel, skeletal creature could be anything but an imposter.  She turned to run, but slipped in the mud and fell right into his arms.  Her blue eyes clouded with tears as she looked square in the face of a legendary villain known only as ED.  ED’s grip on Blue felt cold and tight, and a cruel laugh reached her ears as she began to realize how dangerous her situation was.  But Blue, like most of ED’s other captives, possessed an inner strength that she hadn’t before realized.  Grabbing hold of it now, she and ED fought face to face, stumbling through the woods with each push and shove.  So involved were the two in their fighting that when they reached a clearing it took a moment to notice.  ED’s dark eyes were not used to the sunlight, but Blue quickly spotted a large white cottage set upon a lake.  She broke away from ED’s slackened grip, and with her last ounce of strength, ran toward the door. 

She knew it had to be Perfection Cottage.  She pounded frantically on the front door; ED had nearly reached her again, running with outstretched and menacing hands.  Blue’s knocks were answered just in time – she ducked inside the door and cried, “Please say this is where Acceptance and Perfection live!  I’ve travelled such a long way, lost all of my belongings!  I’ve nearly died getting here.  Surely I can be perfect now!”

          The young woman who answered the door smiled.  “This is Magnolia Creek, dear.  We get so many travelers just like you, hopelessly lost on their journey to Perfect.  I’m sorry to tell you, Perfection Cottage is only a rumor.  ED is a master of trickery; he uses that myth to trap smart girls like you.  Why don’t you stay here a few days?  You look so tired from your travels.  We can help you find your treasures, as well.  When you’re ready, we’ll help you find the right path.”  She pointed Blue towards a wide, paved road.  “That’s Recovery Way, the one you want, Blue.  It’s a straight, sunny road that will take you straight to freedom.”  Trusting she would find her true destination, Blue smiled and agreed.  Slowly abandoning the pretense of perfect performance, she began to allow herself to start a new journey through recovery.

We recently put out a call on Twitter to our alumnae to contribute things they've checked off on their bucket list. This one from SB in St. Louis is one of the most joyous I've received. A deep and heartfelt congratulations, SB! Hope we get to see a picture of the little one come November.

Since I left Magnolia Creek on Jan. 31, 2010, I've crossed a few things off my bucket list, including graduating with my masters degree in communication from the University of Missouri - St. Louis. But the most significant milestone occurred earlier this year, when I found out I was pregnant with my husband's and my first child.

This is no small feat, considering that I didn't get a normal period (without the aid of birth control) from 1994 to 2009. Miraculously, I started back on a regular cycle just a week after walking through the doors of Magnolia Creek. Since discharging, I've maintained a healthy weight and cycle, but was afraid that I had damaged my reproductive system too severely to be able to conceive.

On March 30 of this year, I discovered I had been wrong. I endured two months of extreme nausea (during which the only palatable foods seemed to be Chinese and pizza) and subsequently gained enough weight to cause my OB/GYN to exclaim in surprise, "OH! You HAVE gained weight!" Still, I didn't let it derail my recovery - I just trusted that
my body was doing what it needed to do to support the pregnancy. Since the nausea subsided, I have been able to eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise moderately, and for the first time I can remember, am eating intuitively without obsession or fear. If that means having pizza for breakfast (which it has, on a fairly regular basis!), so be it. My doctor says both the baby and I are healthy and doing great, and that's all I care about.

Last week we found out we are having a baby boy on or around Nov. 26. I can't even begin to wrap my head around the life changes that parenthood will bring, but I am confident I will be a good mommy to our son. I am grateful to the staff and the friends I made at Magnolia Creek for helping me reach a place in my life - physically and mentally - where these miracles could unfold. After struggling with ED for more than 15 years, and three stints in residential treatment, I was convinced that I would never recover. Thankfully, my time at MC proved me wrong.

SB from St. Louis, MO
@ MC Dec. 2, 2009 - Jan. 31, 2010

I thought it was time to share with you another note that I received a few weeks ago from one of our former residents. Stories like these always warm my heart and remind me why I love my job so much. Thank you, A, for sharing this with us.

Another awesome thing that happened today...I have not wanted to know my weight ever since I returned from MC. Every time I've been to the doctor and had to be weighed, I'd always close my eyes and tell them to "please not tell me my weight."

Today I had to be weighed at my appt. and I told the nurse the same thing. After she weighed me, she took me back to the room and when she put my folder on the desk I saw a sticky note on top with my weight written on it. I knew I'd gained weight over the last 2 years and when I saw what I weighed it didn't even bother me.

I felt great and wanted to shout it from the mountaintops!! That is such an accomplishment for me. What a freeing feeling!!!! It's been 2 years ago this week that I came to MC and it has taken me 2 years to feel totally free of the desire to go back to those old, awful habits.

I love MC and everyone who is a part of it.

Take care,

A

One of our former residents recently sent this to her mother in response to an email congratulating her on her year in recovery. She was brave and generous enough to allow me to share it on our blog. We are so proud of her and honored to have had a role in her journey to recovery.

Mom,

It was such a wonderful surprise seeing your email, that I opened it up first. Your one that remembers important dates and milestone in your families lives. It means so much to me to read your words that are being spoken from your heart. It's hard for me to look back and realize that August 11th is a year into recovery from my eating disorder.

A year!! I'm so proud of myself. I never would have imagined I would have a second chance for a normal life.

I can't begin to thank,cherish,and love both you and L for the unconditional support you have given me. It's been one of the most hardest,challenging, and rewarding years of my life. My commitment towards recovery has been far from easy, but you both have been there when I needed to get through a moment,minute,hour,or day that threatened all the work I had put forth towards this new life of mine.

While saying goodbye to ED has been scary for me, slowly I've been able to see that saying goodbye means saying hello to life. It means breaking free from the eating disorders control and lied. It means loving myself just the way I am. To truly begin living in the present, while enjoying time with those who mean the world to me. It also means to feel the painful emotions, no matter how deep they are, and realize there will always be a light in the distance.

In leaving ED, I'm learning to live a life filled with all kinds of uncertainties and imperfections. I'm able to take pride in saying kinder rather than harsh words to myself. I am worthy of the self-care and forgiveness of letting go. I know that whatever doors that still may be closed in front of me I can get through them and experience a second chance to live the life that God meant for me.

I'll never forget all the friends,family,professionals and groups, who had a hand in my recovery this past year. I know that thank you doesn't seem adequate, but it comes from my heart and is sincere. My life has definitely changed for the best, and I continue to take one day and step at a time. I've got a long way to go, but I've also come a long way.

On that note, I'm wishing both myself and E a Happy 1 yr. Anniversary!!

Love, K