Back in December one of our alumnus mentioned us on her blog as something she was grateful for. Leading up to the Christmas Holiday, she had been making her way through the alphabet listing all of the things she was grateful for that started with that days particular letter. When she got to the letter 'M', she gave us a shout out. You can read her blog in it's entirety here.
I don’t feel like I can let M pass without paying some homage to the word Magnolia.
In August, a silver magnolia charm was passed around to friends and mentors as they each “pressed” into it some quality they wished for me or some words of wisdom. I had not thought about this ritual recently until today, and I remember the somewhat awkward feeling of having to listen as people share their memories and hopes for you. Accepting one compliment is hard enough; try doing it again and again.
At the end of the communal sharing, I was reminded that I could carry this magnolia charm with me always as a reminder of my strength. Magnolias, they said, were thought to represent perseverance and dignity. The tree itself stood for magnificence. By remembering the magnolia and recounting all it stood for and all that was pressed into it, I was to feel the love and support of all those who had been with me for months.
Truly, they had been. I remember sitting outside around an ashy fire pit one balmy summer afternoon stating that I had no hope.
This statement received a quick response as a mentor solemnly stated that it did not matter if I had hope (or faith) at the moment as she had it for me and would carry it until I was ready to take possession of it again.
By August, I had grasped that hope and held on to it tight. It’s amazing how much that hope and faith have brought for me, how many smiles and laughs, how many new experiences, how much self-confidence, how much love for life. It’s important that I remember this. And remember to keep treasuring life and all that it has to bring.
While I don’t wear the magnolia charm (I don’t wear any jewelry; its a personal oddity as I don’t enjoy the feel of metal on my skin), I do display the charm in my bedroom in a small shadowbox. Everyday I see it, but I don’t SEE it everyday.
During this Christmas season, it is easy to reflect on the changes I have made in the last year.
Almost a complete 180. But I must be careful never to take these changes (and all the hard work and support that got me here) for granted. To me, this is the function the magnolia must serve.
The magnolia must serve as a reminder to be strong, to work through hard times, to face challenges, and to do it afraid. It must remind me to live with dignity and nobility–serving my friends and neighbors and supporting them as they have supported me. It must remind me to stand tall and proud of the person I am….flaws and screw-ups and fall. It must remind me to be thankful for beauty in the world around me and all of the unique qualities each person brings to the world. It must remind me to love, to live, and to have hope.
Grateful for gratitude, support, friendship, strength, and carriers of hope.
When I was a kid, I had a Holly Hobby autograph book, and I made every person in my family write something in it. (Apparently, this was just a phenomenon in the 70s, because when I mentioned my autograph book to our clients, they looked at me like I was crazy- Good thing I didn’t mention the Holly Hobby part- that really would have dated me). My grandmother signed her entry, “I wish you all the happiness in the world, but just enough sadness to know the difference.” As a ten-year-old this made no sense to me. In fact, I thought it was somewhat uncharacteristically harsh for my loving grandma to wish me sadness. As usual, my wise grandmother knew more than I realized. Based on Fredrickson’s research (2009) on positive and negative emotions, my grandmother was actually wishing me a life of psychological wellness. Frederickson and her colleagues found that individuals who have a specific balance of positive to negative emotions flourish more than individuals who have only positive emotions and individuals who have only negative emotions. It appears that individuals who do not experience the full spectrum of the emotional rainbow live somewhat of a restricted existence. Individuals with eating disorders often avoid negative emotion by numbing with starvation or soothing with bingeing. We are realizing now that not only do these behaviors not really work, but that also by trying not to experience negative emotion, we are robbing ourselves of a whole-hearted existence. So, Gram had it right- for us to experience the fullness of life, we need access to the entire palate of emotions, the bright, vibrant colors of positive feelings, and the darker, bold shades of negative feelings. Only then do we truly experience the authenticity of whole-hearted living.
